Tories to launch ‘War on Church attendance’

Whilst the Conservative party have shot themselves in or each others foot,  in the EU referendum debate, a cruel twist to their plan for welfare state shrinkage was announced last week. THE CHURCH IS LOSING PEOPLE.

PEOPLE DONT BELIEVE IN GOD ANYMORE- rang the headlines!

FAITH IS WANING – said the reports!

And this matters to the conservative party. why? Because without the church, there wouldnt be food banks propping up the welfare system, voluntary groups delivering childcare, volunteers patrolling the streets during the evenings as street pastors/angels/lights, groups doing community work, education and running free schools. Without the church, and the activities of the church, the conservative party will look even more like the bad guy that shrunk the country than it already is.

A source close to me has told me of a secret battle plan for the Tories once theyve recovered from the EU referendum and kissed and made up over a glass of Cava and quinoia pate topped foccacia.

They’re going to launch a new war.

They Plan a ‘WAR ON CHURCH ATTENDANCE’

Yes, clear the front page of daily mail, telegraph and evening standard – WAR ON CHURCH ATTENDANCE or Operation WOCA as it will be known will be flung into action from July 2016. However, Twitter will soon regard it operation TWAT,  short for ‘Tories Will Advance Theology’, and their plan for christian domination of the UK will be in tatters, though this is what they had planned;

A series of measures and initiatives will be launched from central government including:

Churches will be able to obtain funding from the government for all types of evangelism, including those that might be considered manipulative

Tory MPs will actively talk and big up Darwinism, Atheism and Secularism to turn people off these forms of religion.

Laws will be passed to close churches in areas, in the hope that this will galvanise support for them.

The Archbishop of Canterbury will have a daily chat show, and religious broadcasting and opinion will be part of everyday life.

The CAT benefit will be introduced as a Church Attendees Tax Break, attend church, fewer taxes, even more tax breaks if you contribute voluntary hours or financially to the church. Sounds unfair and manipulative. Well its cheaper than running a library.

To encourage people to visit churches all rural post offices will be shut down, and a new initiative to turn historic churches into post offices will be introduced, there will be no regulations on preventing people from being invited to other church services.

The Conservative battle bus will roll around the counties, Tory MPs will have photo shoots outside churches, announcing that according to intelligence that the only way to stop ISIS, cancer and meteroite attack is through prayer and fasting.

New housing estates must include at least three different spaces for Christian church buildings, and a food bank drop off point, no point in leaving an essential part of the community to be built afterwards.

There will be a ban on Sunday papers, TV, shopping and football on Sundays.

This is only phase one – but THE WAR ON CHURCH ATTENDANCE is on its way.

 

 

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