The Christian youth group league table. 

Schools, hospitals, you name it there’s a league table for it under the neo-liberal agenda of post Blair-ite Britain. But why should youth groups and clubs be exempt? Shouldn’t there be national league tables for youth provision, and if so what would be the criteria for it to be assessed by. For the faith-based youth group, what should the critetia be so that the public know whether its good, improving, outstanding or in need of special measures? (What would those special measures be..? ) i wonder though, what could the criteria be to measure the youth group;

1. Annual amount of healthy food been chucked away vs amount eaten

2. Numbers of youthwork magazine ‘ready to use material used’

3. Numbers of young people converted at soul survivor.

4. Numbers of young people not converted at soul survivor

5. Numbers of young people who didn’t return from soul survivor.

6. Cumulative purchases of christian music downloads by youth group.

7. Actual bible verses exegetised that aren’t John 10:10.

8. Movie clips used that aren’t Lord of the Rings.

9. Numbers of young people who become leaders in other areas of the church

10. Number of relationship break ups, but gain points if both people stay in the group.

11. Number of youthworkers who have left the  group in the last 5 years – the burnout turnover rate.

12. Number of young people who’ve joined the group and stayed longer than a year.

13. Times per year the group is expected to do a drama at the front of church.

14. Trips to fast food places per year.

15. Number of times the elders or leaders of the church are present getting involved.

16. Number of windows broken by footballs

17. Number of congregation complaints about anything to do with a young person

18. Number of tables tennis balls lost.

19. Injuries during chubby bunnies.

20. Injuries during chubby bunnies actually recorded.

21. Number of training sessions for the volunteers.

22. Number of young people who slept through end of session God-slots.

23. Number of relationships started at soul survivor that lasted until October.

24. Yes or no, is the annual budget for the youth group more than £100.

25. Annual number of times played ‘spoons, empires and mafia’

With all these things in a neatly organised national league table it’d make it easier for youth ministers, parents and young people to have Choice in the type and success of the youth group they can be involved in. After all if it works for schools….


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