The 12 days of Christmas (The youthwork cupboard clutter version)

After some ‘careful’ research via social media, and some willing participants, who might need counselling after disclosing, it time for the annual 12 days of Christmas song, this year its the  the youth work cupboard clutter version.

So, if ‘your true love’ had found their way to the youth work/ministry cupboard, and gave gifts according to what they might have found, these might be on the list. Own up, you know it could easily be you, Easily because weve all done the ‘we’ll use that again one day’ or ‘thatll come in useful’ another day thing. And its left to rot or waste space.

Some of these items were found by the ‘next project’ to use the building, after the previous one left suddenly – or left the items on purpose. Either way, these are all genuine articles found, discovered or are lurking currently in the ‘youth cupboards’ in the UK. Bought because of a funding bid so specific the equipment was never going to be used again, bought for a talk or session so bad never to be repeated. Now this christmas, it is their chance, once ignored and beaten up to shine…

Now, for brevity, I will not be rewriting the lyrics for each ‘day’ but im sure you get the drift, and thanks especially to those who made contributions that fit the original song, and poetic license required for when there wasnt quite the right number…

 

Image result for 12 days of christmas

 

All together now (you know the tune)…
On the first day of Christmas – my youth worker gave to me.. An Ann Summers (rubber) penis hoopla and a sachet of lube (‘credit’ Jenni Eleri & Zoe Cumberland)
In the second Christmas clear out the worker gave to me.. Several ceramic tiles and an Ann Summers……etc etc     (Thanks Naomi Thompson)
In the third Christmas clear out the worker left behind… 3 garden shovels, several ceramic tiles… (hasnt everyone tried an allotment project..?)
On the 4th day of Christmas, discovered at the back; (a) full-size arcade dance mat  (circa fitness project 2004, thanks Shannon Hart)
On the 5th day of Christmas my youth store gave to me, 
5 golden toilet-seats
(‘which funding bid did this require..?’  thanks Pamela Campbell for this one, there was only 1 but its gold and it fits the tune)
On the 6th day of Christmas the youth store shared with me.. 6 wooden clothes pegs  (thanks Liz Skudder)
On the 7th day of Christmas, the youth store gave to me;   7 inflatable rhinos (there was only 1, and its a rumour, but still, really.. why even need one of these? .. again Mark Tiddy..)
On the 8th day of Christmas, the youth store then revealed ; 8 Rubber turkeys (thanks Kirsty Thomas) 
On the 9th day of Christmas the youth store then revealed ; 9 miniature garden gnomes (Lucie Hutson, any ideas why?)
On the 10th day of sorting, the cupboard then disclosed, 250 rub-ber ducks  (thanks Mark Tiddy (and ‘two-fifty’ does fit the tune) )
On the 11th day of Christmas, the youth store then embellished; 11 defunct PC cables (or monitors, keyboards, ‘mice’, cables etc etc, from when the computer room was last redecorated, in 2007)
On the 12th day of Cleaning, the youth store shared with me, 12 brown monk outfits (credit Liz Dumain, and yes, 12 of them.. )

sadly,, the list of things that didnt quite get given away this christmas also couold have included; 14 copper kettles, a roll your own ‘joints’ kit, a box of rubber foetuses, and an box of chlamydia testing kits.

 

Well. What can I say. There’s a number of stories to be told about many many of these. And that’s hopefully before any of them might have been young peoples lost property. Does your youthwork store have a number of secrets, just by the junk that has been left behind? waiting for the project to come back again in full cycle. Or the time to tell that ‘story’ that needed 250 rubber ducks, or game that needed a toilet seat. Yes its a game.. apparently……. Maybe its none of that at all. Maybe its that everyone else is chucking out their rubbish and thinks ‘could i donate this ‘rubbish’ to those creative youth workers to do something with it, and the youth workers feel obliged to take it instead of saying no (because we like ‘free things’) and now the cupboard is full of rubber ducks, monks outfits, golden toilet seats and a box of lube. Tell you what, I’m glad Ofsted doesnt inspect youth work cupboards…give a gift this Christmas, but maybe not from the back of the youth work cupboard.

And if anyone needs counselling after reading this… or maybe just a serious tidy up…

 

Early announcement

in January I will be starting a Patreon site in which, for a small membership fee, you will be able to read and enjoy my articles without the advertising and do so a little earlier than those published here.  To see a preview of the site visit https://www.patreon.com/preview/7fe77e87f2864f06adc06aa58e6151cd . Ill keep you posted on when the new site is launched. Before then, any donation please click the ‘Donate’ tab above. Thank you

 

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